what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
