Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
