Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
