Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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