he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
