this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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