I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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