i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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