you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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