so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
