I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
