Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
