my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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