im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
