you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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