Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
