Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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