how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
