My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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