I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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