Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The uberlube is also flammable
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
