I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
