Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
