At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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