I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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