So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
