its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
