I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
