I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
