Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
