I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
