ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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