Umm I'm too high to move.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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