He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
