please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
