You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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