He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
