you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
