My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
