The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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