I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
