Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
