yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
