sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Terrible idea I love it
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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