I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
