He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
