Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
