I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
