he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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