apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
