Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
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