he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
