I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
